Back Where I belong
by sapofbks2008
Summary: She’s engaged to Hojo, but it’s Inuyasha she dreams about and her friends from the past that she aches to see again. Will Kagome have her happy ending in life, and who will she find happiness with?
1. Chapter 1

I woke up with a start in, on my couch, in the arms of another man. After a dream like that, I was hot and bothered, and more disturbed then I ever remembered being. It was sick of me to have a dream like that about Inuyasha when I was going to marry Hojo soon. But I couldn't stop the dreams from coming anymore then I could stop another day from passing. I hadn't seen Inuyasha in two years and I missed him more them life itself. Those dreams make me feel close to him.

I smirked to myself at the thought. Yeah they made me feel close to Inuyasha all right. Really close…. Gods, how I wished I could forget about him.

"Kagome are you okay?" my couch companion asked from behind me.

It was a really good thing that it was dark because I was blushing. I couldn't necessarily tell him that I was horny from a dream I had. Even if the dream had been about Hojo, he still wouldn't have known how to handle that kind of information. I had a feeling that when we got married, we would be the kind of couple that always made love in the dark, in the bed, under the covers.

"Yeah, Hojo everything is fine," I assured him, consumed with guilt.

Hojo tightened his arms around me and I almost pushed him because I was so uncomfortable. I was supposed to be marrying Hojo, and yet he wasn't the one I dreamt of at night. I didn't even lust after him when I was awake. I knew that I should feel something for him, but I couldn't do it. Sometimes, it bothered me, but most of the time I didn't feel anything.

"I guess we fell asleep."

'Yeah," I responded faintly.

"Your mother isn't going to be mad about this is she?"

I squirmed in his arms, "Do you want to get up?"

I agreed and Hojo let me up. Hojo awkwardly stood there and I stayed sitting on the couch. I could tell that he was worried that was had done something wrong, and I tried to assured him that no one would be upset about this, but I knew that he still felt as if we had done something inappropriate. I knew that no matter what I told him it still wouldn't change anything so I let it go. Hojo was Hojo and I had to understand that. I was hopeful that one day I would understand Hojo.

My fiancé grabbed his coat. "I'd better get going," my fiancé said walking to the front door.

I walked behind him and looked out the window at the shrine steps. At one time this had been home and I had been happy here, but lately I felt that if I didn't change something about my life soon I was going to lose my mind. While, before I had met Inuyasha my life had seemed to have meaning, now that I knew what his life could be like I couldn't stop wishing that there was something like that here.

"Kagome, are you sure you're okay?"

I turned to him, "Of course. Why wouldn't I be?" I said with an empty smile plastered on my face.

He let it go like I let things go with him. "I'll be seeing you Monday then?"

"Have I missed a date in two years?"

"Nope!" Hojo said happily, taking me in his arms and kissing my lightly on the lips.

Hojo let go and was about to walk out the door when I called him back. Before I thought too much about what I was going to do I grabbed him around the waist and brought him to me. When there was barely any room left in between us I kissed him hard on the lips hoping that I would get some kind of reaction from him. His lips were warm on mine but his body remained stiff and he didn't seem to want to be there at the moment so I let him go. I was left disappointed and worried.

"What?" I said trying not to let irritation show on my face.

"That was nice," Hojo didn't seem to know what to say.

He looked at me, worried again. "We really shouldn't do that when your mother's around. What would she think if she saw us kissing like that, right by the door?"

That we were in love and we couldn't keep our arms off each other, I though dourly as I stood there and sulked.

Boy, were going to have some hot sex life. It seemed like the more time went on the more Hojo was becoming a… prude. I was trying not to let it get to me, but he worried way too much about what my mother and grandpa were going to think. I was worried that we didn't have enough passion and I didn't know whether that was true or it was just that Hojo was holding back.

I gave him a weak smile, and before I knew it he was out the door and racing down the steps to his car.

Frustrated and angry I went into the kitchen and did what I always did when I got upset. I cooked. I took out what I needed to make chocolate chip cookies and avoided thinking about my future with Hojo.

Before I knew it, I everything ready to go in the oven and was setting the timer. I sat down at the table with a coup of Ramen that I didn't remember making in the first place and waited.

"I'm losing my mind," I said to the empty kitchen as I finally went to take a bite.

I almost screamed when I got a, "No your not." in response.

"Mom," I breathed when I turned and saw it was her in the door way.

"Did Hojo leave?"

I grimaced at the thought of him," Yes."

"Does the he know that we're not mad at him?" she said as she came and sat across from me.

"I told him, but you know Hojo," I said as I attacked my food, upset again.

Mrs. Higurashi laughed, "Yes, I do know."

"Such a boring boy," my mother stated.

"Mother!"

My mother raised an eyebrow and looked amused. "What, dear? It's true."

"You know, your father and I had known one another since birth and only started getting along until right after I graduated."

I came out of my stupor for that and looked at my mother in shock.

"But-" I breathed.

Mama chuckled, "Yes, I know. I'm well aware that I married when I was still attending school. Trust me your father and I were not the happiest couple that year. We fought more then we were civil to one another."

I was confused at this. "But I was born a couple months _after_ you graduated," I informed her.

"Honey, I said we didn't get along. That didn't mean that we didn't-"

It was timed like this when I wished that we weren't so close. Learning about my parent's sex life wasn't something that I ever wanted to learn about. I knew how I came into the world. I didn't need to know the details.

"Mother, please don't finish that sentence," I pleaded, cutting her off.

"We married because it was a tradition in both are families to marry at a young age and our parents just thought that marrying us off with each other would be a good idea since out families were so close and we had know each other so long."

Interested now, I forgot my food and looked at my mother with interest, but wasn't able to finish listening since my buzzer went off, telling me that my first batch was ready. I went to get the batch out of the over and put the second batch when my mother went on with her story.

She relaxed more and went on with the story, "I guess that we started really falling in love with each other after we had you. While other couples drift apart, because of parenthood, we just got closer. I think that second year of marriage was one of the happiest ones of out lives," my mother said with great emotion and love in her eyes.

"What does this have to do with me mom?" I asked confused as I sat down again.

My mother smiled her I'm-older-and-wiser-the-you smile, "Honey you don't love Hojo."

I got panicked, but I tried not to show it. "Yes I do," I lied.

My mother scoffed. "Yes, maybe you do."

There was nothing to worry about." See," I was more confident now.

"You love him as a brother." my mother stated.

I was shocked, "How can you say that?!"

"Don't get mad at me just because I speak the truth."

I opened my mouth, but my protest got stuck, "Even when your father and I weren't getting along there was passion there. We felt things when we were together. I loved your dad and he loved me since we were kids. We just didn't know it," mama said with a fond smile.

"Kagome, I see it when you're with Hojo. You don't feel anything when you're with him. I'm your mother. You can't get married to someone you feel nothing for," my mother informed me.

"Why not?!" I challenged, forgetting my pretence, getting up and walking around the room and checking my cookies even though I knew they had five more minutes.

"He loves me." I said with conviction.

"Yes, he does. But he can fall in love again. I believe that true love had to be two sided before it's real. You have to be happy too you know."

I denied it and my mother gave me a look again. I went back to staring at the cookies that were cooking. I had been ignoring a lot of truths for a long time now and I didn't see the point of bringing anything up. If I could have shut my mother up I would have.

"Kagome, you don't want to get married."

"Yes, I do," I stated firmly.

"No you don't."

"Yes."

"No."

"No ," I admitted finally.

I was glad when the cookies were finally done and I could focus on that instead of the conversation.

"Now on to Inuyasha," my mother said.

Since that had been the last thing I had thought that would come into the conversation, I almost lost the pan of cookies that I was holding. "Where did he come in the conversation?" I asked hurriedly putting baked good on counter so I didn't drop them.

"Well, you love him," she said as of she were saying the sky was blue.

"Can't you let me deal with one major problem at a time?" I was exasperated. I only needed one shocker at a time.

"No. I'm your mother. I will push until I see you happy."

I smiled sadly to myself at the thought. If I were to be truly happy my mother wouldn't be around to see it.

"Yeah, I do love him," I finally admitted. "Your point is?"

"Go after him."

"No."

"Why not?"

I looked at her as if she had three heads, "Mother do you know the chances of me being able to come back? Not to mention that Inuyasha would have a fit."

"And isn't that a good thing?" my mother asked.

"Mom," I said hurt, "I would never see you again. I would never see Souta or grandpa-"

My mother sighed and looked at the table," It's not worth it to be here if you're so unhappy," she said softly.

I couldn't deny that so I didn't say anything.

After the jewel was completed we had all been ecstatic to discover that the well still worked, and I was able to travel. But it soon became apparent that the magic that was keeping the well open was weakening each time me or Inuyasha passed through. With the power of the well dwindling and I had noticed that after traveling I was becoming weak. None of us could understand why I would get so tired after I passed through the well.

We soon found out that with the wells powers weakening my powers were helping me get through times. As time passed and the well got weaker it started using me more and more. I was being drained and we realized that either that three things would happen if I kept moving between worlds.

One was that I would be stuck in between times and I would be eternally lost in another time I didn't know or lost in complete nothingness. Two, was that I would get stuck in one world and not be able to get back to the other. Or last would be that traveling like I was would slowly kill me and I would die.

Since, none of those worked for anyone, it was decided that I would have to choose were I wanted to stay. It was one of the hardest choices that I had ever had to make, but I decided that I would stay with my family. In the time I was born in and knew best. What I wouldn't admit to anyone, most of the time not even myself, was that if Inuyasha had given one hint that he had feelings for me… Well, I wouldn't go there. It was one of the hardest choices that any of us ever had to make.

In all of the time I had been thinking about all of this though, it had never crossed my mind that I might actually not be happy in the time that I was born in. I had thought that if Inuyasha didn't care for me then I would stay with my family because they would make me happiest. I hadn't actually thought that I might not belong in my own world any longer. It had never crossed my mind that it would hurt this much to say away.

"Are you going to go, and be happy or not?" my mother finally asked me with conviction ringing in her voice.

I knew it had to hurt her to push me like this, but that just showed you how much my mother love me. She just wanted to see me happy.

"What if he doesn't want me?" I challenged finally succumbing to tears

"He will," my mother stated my mother stated with assurance that I didn't have.

I thought about it for second and made up my mind, "Then I guess these next few days are ones of goodbyes," I said with a sad smile.

My mother went to me and I fell into her arms and cried. I knew this was what I needed to do if I wanted to live out a real life, but would I kill myself trying to get back home?

**A/N: One of the longest chapter I've ever wrote. I have hope for this one.**


	2. Chapter 2

I was trying to conserve all the energy I could for when I jumped into the well, so basically all I had done for the last three days was watch old romantic movies and lay around. I not only felt like the worst person in the world after having to break up with Hojo, but I now feel like the laziest person on the planet. The only reason I moved was to go to the bathroom and go up to my room.

Hojo had taken the break-up better than I had thought he would, but I could still tell that I had hurt him, and it wasn't fair. I loved a guy who, for the most part, doesn't know how to open up and spent most of his days calling me a bitch, among other things. Hojo on the other hand had probably never sworn in his life. He was one of the sweetest, kindest, men you would ever meet, and everyone loved him. He was cute and popular, and he knew how to communicate with others well…. And thinking about this was sending me into depression.

The truth was that I would be happier with Inuyasha then with any other guy out there. He might not be the most understanding, kindest person on the planet, but he knew me better then anyone else ever would. He knew that there was something wrong with me even before I did most of the time. We both knew each other so well that it was amazing that I had even been able to kid myself into thinking that we weren't meant to be together when he was really my other half. I couldn't live without him.

And there were moments when I thought that he felt the way I did to. One day I would remember most was one of our more peaceful days together. We had been taking a break from shard hunting and we had both just been lying down on a hill, staring up at the sky. We hadn't really said anything because there was no need to.

It was the perfect day to sit around and do nothing. It wasn't something that any of us were able to do all that often. I was glad for the break. It was peaceful here like it wasn't at home. The sky was clearer and the air was cleaner. Inuyasha and I didn't have to say anything and we weren't because we were both tired from traveling. Once again Inuyasha had almost died and I was glad just to be next to him for the moment. All good things had a bad side though. I was thinking a little too hard.

I sat up and looked at Inuyasha laying there, "Inuyasha?"

Inuyasha grunted, "What Kagome."

"How come you know me so well?"

"Well that's a stupid question, don't you think?" Inuyasha said sarcastically.

"Why?" I asked confused.

"Because…," he said irritated, "Don't you even know how to shut up?"

After that I lied back down on the grass, and I started to absentmindedly pick at the blades. It was so hard to talk to Inuyasha when he didn't want to ever talk about anything. He liked silence when I had to talk. It was really amazing that we hadn't killed each other yet. We agreed on nothing. Not even whether communicating or silence was better.

"It's because we've spent so much time together. I know you because I've come to know your scent changes. You know me because you know just about everything there is to know about me," Inuyasha said finally.

I was surprised at that, "Really, you don't talk all that much about you."

Inuyasha got irritated again. It didn't surprise me. "You don't know _everything _but you know more than anyone else, and you understand things better than anyone else. I don't know. I know you because I can smell the changes in you, you just know me."

I wrinkled my eyebrow, "I don't understand. You understand my what?"

"When any of you get upset or angry, or hell any emotion your scent changes, and that's how demons can tell if something is wrong with someone else."

"Oh." I said finally.

"Yeah, oh."

I looked down at the ground uncomfortable, "You know it sort of bugs me when you know what's wrong before even I know that something's bothering me," I stated finally.

"I don't understand how I know you that well either. Trust me it bugs the hell out of me," he muttered under his breath.

It was too bad for him that I heard him when he said that. For awhile I just lied there and tried to figure out if I should say anything about it, but I was reluctant. I had gotten more out of him then I could ever have hoped in a day. Did I really want more? Maybe I was too pushy. Finally, I sat up and looked down at him laying there.

"What did you mean by that?" I asked.

"I mean that when you don't realize that's something is bugging you then I can't sense that. Your act funny, but your scent doesn't change. I don't know why, but that's just how it works."

I giggled, "Do you know how weird this sounds?"

Inuyasha snorted," Thanks a lot!"

"Oh, don't be so grumpy. I like that you know me well enough that you can tell when something is on my mind. Even if it does bug me a little," I reassured him.

"You just said that it made you uncomfortable."

I shrugged, "I'm a girl. What can I say?"

He snorted at my comment, but didn't say anything. He did relax a little and close his eyes again. I lied back down and we just both relaxed for awhile. That is until Inuyasha brought it up again.

"Feh."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Inuyasha I know that's something is on your mind."

"It's just that…. Kikyo and I were in love with each other."

I ignored the twinge in my heart and tried not to flinch at his words and nudged him on.

"It's just that… When something was bothering me, Kikyo never noticed. And obviously something was always bothering her because we know now that it bothered her that I was a half demon…."

"Yeah…"

"How come we never noticed? You know when something's on my mind and I know if something is bothering you, but I never noticed with Kikyo." he said sounding bothered.

"I don't know Inuyasha," I lied.

I'd never know how Inuyasha really felt about Kikyo, and that bothered me. If they loved each other so much they should have been able to tell when the other had something on their mind? Did Inuyasha feel something for me and I just never saw it? Grandma and grandpa used to be that way, mom and dad too. Even Sango and Miroku always knew when something was bugging the other. If Inuyasha had such a deep love with Kikyo why couldn't they read each other?

I was brought out of my thoughts by my brother coming into the house.

"I'm home!" Souta shouted.

I winced and I wondered if I was ever like my brother at that age.

"I'm in the living room!" I shouted back.

Obviously, I was.

Souta ran into the room waving a paper in front of my face, "I passed with an A+!" he exclaimed jumping around the room.

I looked at the paper and saw that it was math. I winced inwardly. My brother had always been better at math then I was. I never got A's in that class.

"You did great Souta!"

"Where's mom? I want to show her," he said excitedly, looking around.

I laughed, "Slow down. Mom and grandpa went to the store."

"When does mom take grandpa shopping with her?" he looked confused.

"Since grandpa has been trying to lock me in the house so I can't leave," I announced, fake cheer lacing my voice.

It was hard to be happy about leaving when I knew that I was never going to see my family again. Ever. Souta sat down on the couch with me and it was silent for awhile.

"Sis?'

"Yeah."

"Do you have to go?"

"I wish I didn't," I admitted sadly.

My brother looked up at me with tears in his eyes and I almost cracked, "I'm going to miss you a lot."

"I know," I cried.

My brother and I put in a movie and watched it together until everyone got home and then we went up to my room and played cards until it was bed time. There was sadness in the air that we both had to ignore, because it was better than crying.


	3. Sorry and Screwed

Disclaimer: I had a dream once that I owned Inuyasha, but then I woke up. I haven't come closer to owning him since then.

I was supposed to be leaving tomorrow, but I was having a thousand and one doubts about it. What if something happens to mama, and Souta is left with no one to take care of him? What's going to happen to Bouyo? What is my mother going to tell everyone when they wonder what happened to me? What if it doesn't work, and I end up in between two worlds? What if I die? What's going to happen to Hojo?

Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I got out of bed, got dressed and wrote everyone a note. I knew now that if I didn't do this now that I never was going to, and I was going to live a very unhappy life with Hojo, whom I did not love, as much as I wanted to.

Dear, Mom, Grandpa, and Souta,

I know your going to be shocked when you wake up and find me gone, but laying in bed tonight I started having doubts. I know this is what I truly want, but I'm worried that by tomorrow I'm going to change my mind. As much as I want to be happy I can't. If I can't bring myself to do this now then I won't ever do it and now that it has been brought to my attention that I don't love Hojo I can see that I never will, and I'll never be happy with him. As much as I want to. I can see that I never belonged in this time. Not after being with Inuyasha and the others. They're family to me, and I miss them so much…

I love you all and I'm going to miss you more then you'll ever know. I'll always think of you and I'll always have you in my heart. I hope that you can forgive me for leaving like this.

I love you all

Kagome

As I jumped into the well and allowed myself to be transported to the one place that I called home I thought of what I had just done. I had my said goodbyes to them while they had been sleeping, but it wasn't the same. In the letter it didn't even sound like me. I knew that I couldn't have everything, but if I had thought for one minute that I would still have the courage to do this come sun up I would have. It would have been safer for me if I had.

As blue light surrounded me I felt my energy leaving me, and couldn't believe that at one time I had enjoyed this feeling, because now, I couldn't breath, I was in a amount of pain that could barley stand, and I desperately wanted to go to allow myself to pass out.

The well had been a lot weaker then I thought, when I felt myself land one of the first things that crossed my mind was that I was home at last. I hurriedly made a barrier with energy that I didn't have, and then I passed out.

Miroku was so tired that he felt that he could sleep standing up. He was about to lay down next to his wife when he felt it. It was a shock to his system. One minute he was exhausted, and the next he was wide awake. He bent over his wife and shook her awake.

Sango growled and snuggled deeper in to her sleeping mat, "Miroku I just fed the baby. If she needs someone to take care of her you know what to do. Let me sleep!"

"It's not that."

Sango turned and glared at her husband, "This. Had. Better. Be. Good."

Miroku loved it when his wife was mad at him. Even though she was sleep deprived and her hair was messed up he still looked better then any other women he had ever met. He really didn't want to upset her by telling her that Kagome was back, because although it was good news she couldn't see her friend right now, that Miroku knew, but he had made a promise never to keep anything from Sango and he was going to tell her.

He leaned over a kissed her head, "Miroku…"

He laughed, "I love you Sango."

H was putting it off, "I love you too. Now what do you want?"

Miroku hesitated, "Kagome's back."

His wife's eyes widened, "What? How do you know that?" she exclaimed.

"I could feel her power when she passed through the well. It was feeding off almost all of her power, and I could feel it."

Sango was up now, sitting up on their sleeping mat. It was dark out and the only thing that occupied that room was a sleeping mat, the crib, and the fire whole. He could only make out a slight outline of Sango from the moon. He was glad that they were in the only room with a window, because he wanted to see his wife when he told her all of this. There was more then one room to the hut, but Sango didn't want to be away from the baby, and she wanted to stay in the warmest room in the hut. He was glad for that now.

"She's so far away," she argued.

"Darling, she had more power now then she ever did before."

Sango was already getting up, "We can't tell him yet," Miroku said before Sango could even go to Inuyasha.

"But he's going to know-"

"She's solved that problem. I am very much sure of that, She is weak right now, and I am almost certain that she wants to recover on her own," Sango's husband assured.

Sango didn't know what she wanted to do. She knew that Inuyasha would want to know that Kagome was back, but Miroku was right. Kagome would want to recover on her own. She laid back down on her mat, and Miroku joined her, wrapping his arms around her covering her in warmth. It was amazing that things she felt with him.

She snuggled into Miroku, "We can't leave her."

"We're not."

"What if-" Sango argued again.

Miroku didn't want to alarm his wife, but there really wasn't anything he could do. He just rubbed Sango's back until she started to calm and go to sleep.

"Hands Miroku," she warned half asleep.

Miroku laughed at his Sango and went to sleep with his wife.

In the middle of the forest among the trees you could make out the form of a half demon sitting in a sacred tree. His form was outlined by the moon, and he had a sad and relaxed look to him.

Inuyasha had been sitting in his tree when he had felt something change in the air. He was a second away from going to the well, and seeing if there was anyone there. He stopped himself though because he had done that one to many times, and he didn't feel like feeling like an idiot again.

So he just relaxed again, and stared out at the moon until he felt sleepy. He could sleep easier knowing that Sango and Miroku were asleep. He knew that Miroku had made a barrier around the hut and they were all asleep and safe so he allowed himself to close his eyes.

He did eventually feel sleep pulling at him, but even half asleep he felt that he was ignoring something important.

I awoke with a pounding headache. I was so hungry that I could have eaten my own hand, and most likely would have if I had that energy, but that was the problem. I still didn't have the energy. I wanted the help of my friends, but I didn't want them to see me like this. The well might have been cold, hard, and smell funny, but I was going to stay down here until I was ready to face everyone.

I sent a pulse through out that well to tell Miroku that I was okay and then my energy once again wasted, I passed out.

Inuy asha flinched and Miroku saw it. Miroku had a feeling that that Inuyasha could fell things that he wasn't suppose to and he fought not to say anything even thought he badly wanted to. It was amazing what the half demon noticed where Kagome was concerned.

"Did anyone feel that?" Inuyasha asked slowly as if not sure he wanted to say anything.

Of course Sango was on it the second he said anything and was asking about it almost the second the question left his mouth.

"Sango, sit down," Miroku said trying to keep her from saying anything.

Inuyasha looked suspicious and I told him a bold faced lie that even he believed. Probably because he thought that it was the truth himself.

"It was the wind."

When Inuyasha found out what his friend was hiding….

p I finally awoke and was able to move. I wasted no time getting up slowly and eating the little food I had, two granola bars and a packaged muffin, then leaning again the well wall. It was dark and cold inside the well. The only thing that kept my company was the bones in the bottom of the well. I wanted to leave, but it was the middle of the night, and it wouldn't be safe for me to do it because I would be left with no barrier so I stayed where I was.

I was shaky, weak, and I felt sick to my stumach. I knew that I didn't smell the best, and my hair was matted to my head. I knew that dirt probably looked better then I did and felt better to.

It accrued to me while I sat there that I would have been in major trouble even in the middle of the day. Even though it was easy enough to get out of the well. It wouldn't be easy for me to get out, and keep myself from any attacks that might follow my trip to Keade's hut. I couldn't afford to get in that kind of trouble. I didn't have the energy for any kind of fight. I was going to be lucky if I was able to make the easy climb out of this well.

I looked at my dirty clothes again, and grimaced. I dusted myself off (as if that would make a difference) and waited for the sun to come up when I could think about what options I had, but the only option I had was calling out to Miroku. Why had I even bothered? Maybe Inuyasha wouldn't find out, and kill me for trying this.

I sighed. I was screwed.


End file.
